Today I had the pleasure of attending a dear friend’s baby shower. It was so wonderful to see her and her very cute and normal sized belly! (Apparently strangers seem to think it is 1. Ok to comment on a pregnant woman’s belly and 2. keep asking her if it’s twins…ballsy assholes!) I got to see many friends I hadn’t seen in far too long and it was really a great shower. And then I checked Facebook to find this gem…..
I’m the one to the right of the mama-to-be, the one with the GIANT CAMEL TOE!
Upon further investigation (close up crotch zoom) I decided it was just a shadow and that no one would really notice…
I happened to be at my parents house and before I could finish asking my mom if she noticed anything about the picture she burst out laughing and said she had immediately saw it but didn’t want to say anything! (Shit.) My mom is pretty observant so I thought I would try the husband. He had already seen the picture and wasn’t sure how to bring it up! (Shit!) I consulted my very honest best friend and the mommy-to-be, and it was official: my moose knuckle had made it’s Facebook debut.
Now I know how Mariah Carey felt in that red spandex onesie.
My mom suggested I wear more dresses, skirts and tunics to mask my new found “problem”. Does this mean I can’t wear yoga pants out of the house anymore? It’s not like they’ve ever been to yoga but I don’t want to rule it out forever!
I refuse to admit that my lady bits have taken a turn for the worse, and I will stand by my theory that it must be a defective pair of pants. A misplaced pleat or some unfortunate creasing….
Just to be safe I think I may have to invest in some of these:
You really can find anything on the internet! Just be careful how you word your search….